Dantrums

Almost daily I read reports that tennis is an antiquated and increasingly unpopular sport. Recently, a popular columnist for ESPN.com wrote, “If you want proof that tennis is dead as a sport, just look at the fact that Federer is better at his job than any other athlete is better at their job, then look at how few people feel obligated to watch him or Wimbledon.” Now, I’m one of those who think tennis played at its highest level is the closest sports can come to art. So if this statement is correct, American sportswriters and spectators are philistines, creating another large class of people I will be forced to despise.

Let’s examine the statement more closely then, and let us also give the writer the benefit of the doubt that he means tennis is dead in the U.S., and not the rest of the world. There is no argument to be made with the latter. There are top 20 players emerging from countries where there are practically no tennis courts: Croatia, Serbia, Cyprus. And in these countries players like no.18 Marcos Baghdatis and no.3 Novak Djokovic are the most popular athletes around, even more popular than Michael Jordan was in the States, for these athletes have no one to compete with for the public’s attention. They are the only game in town. In Cyprus, the day Baghdatis played the finals of the Australian Open in 2006 was declared a national holiday and schools and banks were closed so that everyone could watch the match. Dead sports don’t shutdown entire countries.

The health of American tennis is a different ballgame, but any reports of its demise are premature. There is no shortage of talent---2 American men are in the top 10; only Spain can claim that. Still, few Americans seem to root for Andy Roddick and James Blake with the same intensity they showed for Agassi, Sampras, Connors and McEnroe. There is a simple explanation for this: Talented as both men are, they don’t win majors. There is a simple explanation for that too: Roger Federer. Without him in the way, Andy Roddick probably wins 2 Wimbledons, an Australian, and another U.S. Open. Since the 2005 French, nobody except for Fed and Rafa Nadal have won majors. This two-pronged dominance has never been seen in tennis, and the rivalry that has developed between the top two seeds is one of the most exciting the sport, or even sports in general, has ever seen. Americans, however, don’t really care. They don’t like having their athletes upstaged. We are used to dominating individually-played sports on an international level: Nicklaus, Palmer and Woods on the fairways; Connors, Ashe, McEnroe and Sampras on the courts. Americans simply don’t care about a rivalry between a Swiss and a Spaniard.

There are other discouraging signs, like the popularity of Anna Kournikova, a woman who looked far better on fashion runways than on court. She never broke into the top 10 or made a major final, but no matter, she was hot when she grunted. Kournikova was probably more popular in the U.S. than our own Lindsay Davenport, a frumpy-looking lady who won majors but looked like she could have had a career teaching high school gymnastics in a track suit. Martina Navratalova was quite popular in the 80’s, but especially after she defected from Communist Czechoslovakia. So if you’re a guy, be American, and if you’re a woman, be hot, or politically sympathetic. I feel rage boiling inside me again at our shallowness and provincialism but what can be done? This is how our country works.

There are encouraging signs, too--- the TV ratings from this year’s Wimbledon’s final were up 10% over last year’s and for good reason: It was easily the most exciting major final of the last 5 years. Actually, tennis' TV ratings in the U.S. are not much lower than they were in the 80's and 90's. McEnroe has suggested that tennis’ problem is that the sport hasn’t changed in forty years, though the recent incorporation of electronic line calling should help fix that. The U.S. Open breaks its own attendance record every year. U.S. tennis fans are as enthusiastic as ever. It’s the casual fan that needs to be roped back in, and if Roddick or Blake can take down Federer, especially in New York, it would be the most exciting thing to happen to American men’s tennis since Sampras’ comeback in 2002.

Cable to Blake and Roddick: The remedy is in your hands. It's time to kick some Swiss and Spaniard ass! On second thought, let’s upgrade the American tennis condition from dead to light coma.

Yesterday I lost my wallet and learned that my Bubby (my father's mother) is being moved to a hospice. She is dying of leukemia. She is a sweet lady. When I last visited her in the hospital I asked her how she was feeling. She whispered, 'Better now that you're here.' She tended a vegetable garden in the summer and enjoyed seeing her children and grandchildren wherever and whenever she could. As is so often the case with grandparents, though, I cannot say I really knew her, or know her. We were of different generations and that gap was never closed. When I came out six years ago my mom's mom, who's always been a bit more current, was told about my sexuality, but Bubby wasn't. Why should she? What exactly could she do with such information? I love her but she was never an important part of my life.


Now my wallet, on the other hand, is a different story. Not only do I see it every day I carry it on my person. It's my friend. It carries my credit card, which I just used to buy tennis sneakers and a plane ticket to Spain. It carries my Blue Cross Blue Shield card, and my ACLU membership card, and my scuba diving license. It carries my money, and so, as a Jew, it has a special place in my heart. Sadly, the things in my wallet and my attitude towards my wallet speak at least as much about my personality as my Bubby. I'm really not sure what my Bubby and I have in common except, perhaps, twin feelings of love and embarassment towards my father.

Thus I convinced myself that feeling more upset about my wallet doesn't make me a bad person. But maybe this does...

I really hope Bubby doesn't die right before we go to Nantucket, because that would spoil what it always a fantastic end to the summer, because really, the dead should die at a time that is convenient for the living. I really do believe this. I mean sure, it's alright for them to die during the last few weeks of good weather, but what about those of us who really need to make good use of those beach days? If she's not going to pass away in July she really needs to hold off until September. No, wait, I'm going to Spain then...she really needs to wait until mid-October...oh but what if the Sox are still in the playoffs. On second thought late-October would probably be best.