Dantrums

My friends, we must pause to reflect on the passing of Roger Federer from the 2008 Australian Open. For having lost to Novak Djokovic in the semifinals, Federer's streak of reaching ten consecutive Grand Slam finals is over. To those who don't follow tennis--- please know that I pray for you nightly--- ten finals in a row might seem merely impressive, when in fact until yesterday it was the greatest ongoing record in professional sports.  Just to put it in perspective: The previous record of consecutive Grand Slam finals reached is four, accomplished by the great Rod Laver, the only man to win all four in one year. Sampras once made three consecutive finals, as did Jimmy Connors.  Federer has broken the old record two and a half times over.  People like to compare Roger with Tiger Woods; both are dominant in their respective sports, but Tiger's record for making the top two in consecutive majors is only four times. Federer hasn't missed a final since the 2005 French, where he was beaten in the semis by Nadal, perhaps the best clay court player ever.  Of the ten finals he played he lost only two, both to Nadal at the French. Without Nadal in the way Fed probably wins both of those tournaments. The mere fact that Federer and Nadal play tennis concurrently can be considered nothing less than a miracle. Without Nadal, Fed might have won ten Slams in a row.  Such a feat is inconceivable; athletic excellence like that is an affront to God.  And so he has sent Nadal. Or Djokovic.  Or perhaps Satan sent them.  However you want to look at it, ten Slam finals in a row will never happen again.  This is not the end of Fed's dominance.  He probably has five to ten more Slams left in him.  But the greatest streak in modern sports is now history. Luckily there is another for us to follow, even if it doesn't have the same ring to it--- 15 straight Grand Slam semifinals and counting.   

                                 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the men's draw, more history is being made, this time at Nadal's expense.  The 38th ranked Jo-Wilfried Tsonga dismantled him 6-2, 6-3, 6-2, Nadal's worst loss in a Grand Slam, and Tsonga won because of his deadly net game.  The net is alien territory to most of today's players, and one of the reasons Nadal couldn't handle it was because nobody plays like this anymore.  What's especially amazing is Tsonga's instinct for which exact shot to approach on. Nadal also has the best passing game in tennis-- usually when opponents come to net they are putty in his hands. Tsonga is a big guy, and at 6'2, 200 lbs., he doesn't look all that fast, but he is one gymnastic bear.  One time Nadal tried to pass him with a nasty topspin forehand down the line--- a winner against any other player--- and Tsonga, from the center of the net, leapt to his left, stretched his arms and delivered a slice backhand with so much spin it landed on Nadal's side of the court and flipped backwards into the net.  Point Tsonga.  His forehand is no slouch either; it rivals James Blake's in power.  Tsonga hit winners from every part of the court, while Nadal, the fastest guy in the game, watched balls blow by him with cruel regularity.  

Tsonga is on fire in this tournament, but he is so bloody talented I would be shocked if he weren't in the Top 20 to stay. It's an even bigger coming out party than Baghdatis' two years ago because Baghdatis was an escape artist.  He almost enjoyed being down in matches.  Tsonga is a destructor. Seriously the way he played against Nadal, I think if he played at that level against Federer, he still would have won. I mean, Djokovic's win over Federer was very impressive.  What Tsonga did to Nadal was superhuman. Watching this year's Aussie Open has put me into a permanent state of shock.  I can't feel my extremities and continually wet my pants.  

I don't know about you but I thought the new "American Gladiators" was a disappointment, mostly because the gladiators were just not that cool. Glistening blond Titan looks like his whole body has been polished with teeth whitener. The glare coming off his body is insane.  Staring at him would probably lead to blindness.  Then there is Wolf.  You would expect a gladiator named Wolf to do some howling, but must he do it every single time he is introduced? He's beyond annoying, as is Toa, who I guess is supposed to be the Native American gladiator because he wears some warpaint and a red feather around his bicep and whoops.  Is the whooping as annoying as the howling? It's a close call, but when you add the fact that Toa also whoops in some sort of fake Indian language, he wins the most annoying prize easily.  Then there is Justice, and what kind of a name is that?  Is this a courtroom smackdown? These four combined are not half as cool as Nitro was.  I wasn't really paying attention to the women, but one is named Helga. This is not a cool name.  The show doesn't use Hulk Hogan cleverly enough either. There should be countless shots of his 24 inch pythons and references to his amazing 30 minute fight against the Ultimate Warrior in Wrestlemania VIII.  Instead he just gives interviews with questions that begin 'How did it feel to ____.' Boring!  As in nearly every reality show, the interviews sound painfully scripted and the contestants make constant references to how they are doing this for their kids. I don't know about you, but whenever someone claims they are doing something for their kids, I automatically root against them. I don't care about your kids dude. I don't care if you are a fucking New York firefighter. Whenever a reason is given to root for someone or something, it's usually cheesy bullshit.  That thing must now be hated.  Perfection and nobility are not attributes to admire in sports teams or athletes, and this, my friends, is why it will be far more interesting to see the Pats go down than it will to see them standing on pedestals as paragons of excellence.