Dantrums

It's pretty pathetic that I haven't written in almost four months considering that I wanted to use my blog as a springboard to writings more creative and less introverted. It would appear that I don't have much on my mind at all and nothing of any signifigance has happened to me during this period. This is partly true, but the real reason is laziness, the reason for the laziness having mostly to due with smoking silly, unfortunate amounts of marijuana. And we can deal with the real reasons for all the smoking another time, or maybe not at all.
I do have ocassional flurries of activity, which make sense maybe 50% of the time the next morning. Written along the margins of a Sudoku puzzle: "I think we're the last generation to see it." Obviously the next morning I had no idea what this meant, a pity since I remembered writing it down with such fervor. I remembered needing to remember my wonderful stoned thought. Obviously my stoned self told me that the "it" was of such vital importance that there was no chance I'd forget what "it" referred to and thus no need to explain "it" to myself for later. I might have been feeling too lazy to go further, but I also might have run out of space. I don't remember why I couldn't find something more useful to write on. I also wrote: "Who did Z jerk off with?!" This I understood: Lucas and I were talking sweet silly stoned talk---pot equivalent of Barney-coined "sweet beautiful drunk talk" ----- when he brought up, as he so often does, how randy we boys were at Jewish summer camp, and then reminded me that our friend Z also admitted to having jerked off with some friends, boys we went to high school with. Luke inquired of their names only to have Z swear he'd take the secret to his grave. I thanked Lucas for bringing it up again; I'd been stoned during that conversation and forgotten.
I find these writing fragments strewn across my room on different notepads, small ripped pieces of paper, squeezed into corners beside undone to-do lists and alongside lists of things I Absolutely Must Do This Week, the name I give lists when I'm really, I mean really, going to do them this week. It's really a sorry state of affairs. I wanted to go into more details about my poor habits but it's sort of embarassing, isn't it, letting a drug with such mild effects as weed interfere with who you want to be? It's like being beaten up by a kid half your size. It's like being overwhelmed by a case of pink eye. Every time I complain about it I feel like any minute Bob Saget's going to stand up and shout at me, "You ever suck dick for marijuana?" Actually, Bob.....
Anyway it's time I dropped this silly habit and make it at most an ocassional visitor to my neighborhood. If that can even be done, a question which further suggests I drop smoking from my repertoire, but having done it so consistently for so many years, even though it's just pot, it's probably going to be a litle difficult. Thanks to Lucas for making me throw out the resin last night, however I found a little more in the bowl and smoked it this morning, and since smoking it, as usual, I've done very little. It's beautiful out so hopefully the day goes a little further than it already has.